You are not the problem.
Started binging a season of Married at First Sight a few weeks ago and had to stop this week because I have so many thoughts about it that it literally keeps me up at night.
In a honeymoon episode, a new wife sat on the beach with her new husband and told him that when she compares how he treats her (not well!) to how she sees the season’s other husbands treating their wives, she isn’t feeling good about herself. I’ll translate: Based on how poorly he treats her, she wonders what’s wrong with her.
You know I yelled at the screen: “You’re asking the wrong question! It isn’t what’s wrong with you—it’s what’s wrong with him!”
When someone you’re dating or someone you want to date uses, abuses, neglects, or otherwise hurts or mistreats you, it tells you nothing about your value or your goodness. But it tells you everything you need to know about that person’s capacity to see your value and respond to it appropriately.
We are all going to hurt each other in relationships at some point. Thank God for forgiveness, for redemption. But if a man or woman treats you like you’re worth anything less than a beloved and infinitely valuable person made in God’s image, you are not the problem.
You don’t have to wonder if how you look or what kind of mood you’re in or what your interests are or literally any other thing about you is the reason somebody mistreats you. It isn’t. And it’s also not related to that person’s value.
He or she, like you, is beloved, of infinite value, created in God’s image. But if people aren’t responding appropriately to your value, then they sure as heck aren’t responding appropriately to their own.
Until they can see who they are, they won’t see who you are either. And they can’t love a person they can’t see.